Remember the movie Runaway Bride? The reporter (Richard Gere) keeps asking all of the jilted grooms how the Runaway Bride likes her eggs. All of them reply that she likes her eggs the same way that he does. She has no idea what she likes or what she wants. She mold herself to what the man wants and what he likes. She doesn't even know what kind of eggs she likes.
Eventually, she tries them all and discovers what it is that she truly desires. She discovers who she is.
At 40 years old, I am now, finally, trying all of the eggs. I met my husband the night before my 18th birthday. We were engaged about a year and a half later. Now, 3 children and 17 years later, we are filing for separation as we begin to negotiate the divorce.
I won't get into the personal details. They aren't really important in this context. What you need to know is that he is a recovering addict with more than 7 years clean and all three of our sons have Autism. Somewhere in all of that care-taking, I forgot to taste the eggs and I can't even remember how I liked them before we met.
I have become so much of "us" that I lost my "me". As I approach the single life, I am trying to taste the eggs, but there are so many! Where do I begin? Well, if you are familiar with Autism or addiction, then you know how that can lead to destruction - and I'm not talking about feelings, I'm talking about broken china and holes in the walls. Now imagine what all of them together can do. Add to that, me, the care-taker living so many years in crisis mode. Things don't really get fixed in crisis mode. Things never get better in crisis mode. If you look around my house, you will see just that.
The first eggs I will be tasting will be my home - and that is the part that I want to share with you here. Room by room I am reclaiming the space. With my sons at my side, learning home improvement skills, we will tackle one room and one project at a time. You see what it looks like now, my vision for the space, and my progress.
This isn't the first time we've done a renovation. That was more "we" than I care to discuss. There were many cooks stirring the soup and there was no room for me in the kitchen. It was as his addiction was peaking and I was barely surviving. You can read about that remodel here , here , here , here, here, here, here, and here. It has been a while, we are due regardless of the destruction.
First up will the dining room beginning in my next post. That was the room with the fireplace in the posts above.